Family Constellations

Having the power to shift your frustrations, life challenges, relationship complications, suffering, blocks, patterns, behaviours and unhappiness. Giving you clarity where you have frustrations!

 

Have you ever considered that your frustrations may be linked to your ancestral lines. Looking through the lens of your Family Systems, you can discover up to several generations of underlying family bonds and forces that you or your family members have been carrying around unconsciously. Dysfunction and suffering often relate to painful events in a family‘s past that haven’t been resolved. Could this be at the root of your life issues?

 

Who can it help?

 

Are you struggling with any of the following:

  • Relationship issues, patterns repeating, unable to feel the love you so very much desire
  • Anxiety, depression, grief, loss, anger, fear, jealousy, shame, low self esteem, abuse or addictions
  • Unresolved pain and trauma
  • Painful life issues that are resistant to change or are repeating, such as loss, divorce and bankruptcy
  • Frustrating relationships with your children, or children with their parents – would you like something better, or more?
  • Persistent physical health problems such as chronic pain syndromes, chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia, chronic diseases, autism, weight issues and many more
  • Not being able to change unhealthy patterns, thoughts, addictions, self sabotaging behaviours
  • Not being able to move through or forward even though you want to
  • Not really excited about your life
  • Not really sure what is bothering you despite having explored many other options
  • Stuck in being unable to further grow your business

 

Why is looking at your Family Systems important?

 

Many of the issues we face may have a family systemic factor in their origin. Sometimes we have to do more than just detoxify, eat appropriately, get a good nights sleep and reduce stress. Approaching your issues from the level of Family Systems and Dynamics can have profound effects on you and your family’s lives, your relationships, your level of happiness, your feelings of love and your health challenges.

Simplistically, the Systemic Family approach views people as being embedded in, and influenced by larger systems, including but not limited to the family. An unconscious love and loyalty to your family system in the current and previous generations, can cause you to unwittingly carry on the fate, the loyalties to someone in your system, secret agonies, and unresolved traumas of individuals in your family system. Are you affected by Family Secrets? These issues can remain energetically present and entangle you, your children, and your grandchildren, until the issue is identified and cleared. This is at the root of many of your current, resistant-to-change issues.

Possible Outcomes – Transforming Inner Disturbances into Strengths:

  • Starting to release unstuck feelings and help you to move forward in your life
  • Releasing feelings that were holding on to you and becoming more emotionally resourceful
  • Helping to have better relationships, better communication and make different decisions that are healthier for you
  • Move out of where you don’t want to be towards where you want to be
  • Discover the underlying bonds and forces that have been carried unconsciously over several generations.
  • An amazing amount of clarity on influences that have up until that time been unconscious to you
  • Negative thoughts, self-destructive impulses, troublesome behaviors, and dark emotions lifting off your shoulders.
  • Able to access and feel more loving within your family and relationships
  • Transformation

How have you learned how to love?

Our relationships with our parents and within our family structure, influence our adult relationships. Nothing strange in that statement is there? Lets explore it a bit further by looking at the principles inherent in Family Constellations:

1. Are you able to feel the love flow from and to your parents? Do you appreciate the fact that your mother and your father gave you life? If not, then some hidden family dynamics could be affecting your flow of love and your ability to have a healthier relationship with love. Have you tried to take care of your parents since you were just a child? Are you as a second born, taking up the normal responsibilities of being the first born? If so, then you may be out of order in your family, which could be creating dis-order in your life and making you feel less resourceful in your life. ORDER

2. Are you feeling somehow that you don’t belong or that someone is missing from your family? We are bound to our family systems by a deep need to belong; a child will do anything for the love of a parent. The bond to our parents and to our family system begins even before birth. These connections are a source of strength when the energy within the family system is clear.  However, when there is an interruption in the flow of energy, described by Bert Hellinger as an entanglement, the family system and each individual in the system, is potentially weakened. No member of that family will be able to fully access the strength that should flow through the generations as support, into the present generation. BELONGING

3. Are you feeling as if you are giving more in your relationship than you are getting? A balance is built up over time by exchanges of giving and taking/receiving:  a child being able to ‘take’ from his / her parents; a giving of love and respect; an acknowledgement of the other; or of more material gifts of money or things. The balance is upset when the giving is too much / too little or when the taking is too much / too little. BALANCE

These all relate to the three principles of the Orders of Love – Order, Belonging, Balance, in which your family system has a conscience and it demands that your system be in order. Listen to the language of your family system.

Your Family System is always trying to make itself whole and complete again.

Exploring your family dynamics.

Not all behaviours expressed by us originate from us. They can belong to family members who came before us. We are merely carrying them or sharing them. We call these feelings and urges identification feelings.

To determine if you have identified with a member of your family system, some questions to ask:

  • Could you be feeling like, having like, suffering like, atoning for, or carrying the grief for someone who came before you?
  • Do you have symptoms, feelings or behaviours that are difficult to explain in the context of your life experience?
  • Did guilt or pain prevent a family member from loving someone or grieving his or her loss?
  • Did someone do something that caused his or her rejection in the family?
  • Was there a trauma in the family (an early death of a parent, child or sibling, an abandonment, a murder, crime or suicide etc), an event that was too terrible, painful or shameful to talk about?
  • Could you be connected with that event, living a life similar to the person no one talks about?
  • Could you be repeating this family member’s trauma, by reliving their feelings as if they were your own?

Here are some other further questions to ask in order to ascertain what some of your family systemic influences could be:

Did anyone in your family:

  • Die at a young age? Have a parent die when the child was a young age?
  • Die during childbirth? Suffer illness, disability or life at risk due to childbirth?
  • Commit suicide? Attempt suicide? Feel chronically suicidal?
  • Die in action as a soldier or kill others during a war?
  • Commit a serious crime? Commit a war crime? Go to prison? Be a victim of a crime?
  • Have a stillborn child? Have an abortion or miscarriage?
  • Have an “illegitimate” child or a child that was abandoned or given up for adoption?
  • Have a former spouse, fiance, partner or lover of either gender?
  • Have a serious or long-lasting illness?
  • Have a physical or mental disability?
  • Die in the Holocaust? Go to a POW camp? Was involved in war?
  • Become a missing person? Disappear for a long period?
  • Join the clergy or enter a monastery? Live an unusual life?
  • Win or lose a fortune? Become disinherited or disowned?
  • Become seriously scapegoated, ignored, rejected, slandered or cast out?
  • Suffer severe trauma? Sexual abuse? Mental illness? Life-threatening events?
  • Have serious symptoms or difficulties repeated across generations?
  • Have a child with serious problems?
  • Emigrate to another country? Expelled from their country?
  • Have a shameful family secret?
  • Experience anything that might be considered tragic or highly unusual?

Bert Hellinger, founder of this work has observed that many of us unconsciously ‘take on’ destructive familial patterns of anxiety, depression, anger, guilt, aloneness, relationship conflict, alcoholism and even illness as a way of ‘belonging’ in our families. Bonded by a deep love, a child can sacrifice his own best interests in a vain attempt to ease the suffering of a parent or other family member. Suffering continues until the family dynamics are recognized and given their place – an acknowledgement of “What Is”.